I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
