I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
