Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
