And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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