It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
