Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
