My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
