the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
