all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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