your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
