Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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