You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i think my mom watched the whole time
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
