then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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