remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
