There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
