why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
