I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
