i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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