As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
