Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
