My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
