you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
