My underwear smells like fireworks.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
