i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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