I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize