I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize