Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
