he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
