By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
