i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
