remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize