that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
