think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's blow job season.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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