You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
