Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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