I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
