I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
