I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
