I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
