you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
