The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
