Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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