Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
