it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
