WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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