you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
