i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
No subtext here. People are naked.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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