...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
