do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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