Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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