the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
