what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
