Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
