You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
