nut hugger
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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