dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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