i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
two words: eviction party
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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