I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
