Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
