I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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