The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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