I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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