Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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