Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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