He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize