You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
