my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
