so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
