Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
