The maid of honor just puked.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
