Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
