all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Randomize
