Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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