I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
