I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
