He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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