i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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