all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize