We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
