You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
