I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
