You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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