Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
