this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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