been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
