I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
