I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
