Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
BRING THE BAGELS
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
