evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
