she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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