Betty ford says i'm here all night
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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