I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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