Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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