the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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